"You can't have your cake and eat it too"

It’s a fine Friday afternoon, and I’m currently at a café (as always), this time being a responsible student and adult.

What? An adult? It’s such a foreign concept to me. Daunting too. Yet exciting.

I come from a family of three daughters, the last one being me. I am not only the youngest (also known as “maknae), but also the late-born. My two sisters and I are respectively twelve and ten years apart, and thus I am the “baby” of the Kang family. If I were to be asked whether I enjoy being the maknae & baby of the family, I can answer in a heartbeat, “Yes!” 

Actually let’s take out the exclamation point. More like, “Yes.”

I’m only taking out the exclamation point because I’ve been discovering the “cons” of being the youngest the past couple of years. In a family of bunch of adults, the parents obviously, one sister who is now a mother, and the other sister who’s a lawyer and well established in the working world, I, the 2nd year college student who has just entered her twenties, don’t really have much of a place in terms of authority/making decisions. Not too long ago, I was just a cute (debatable) maknae who made the family laugh. I had no desire to be heard back then. Now it’s a little different. I’m at that awkward stage where I’m not the cute baby (debatable too, hehe. Just kidding, but really, it’s Asher), but I am also not an adult like the rest of the family. So where do I stand? There were many moments during our family trip (which was wonderful~), when I felt this tingling of desire to be heard and taken seriously as an adult, but was overlooked by the family. Who can blame them? I’m not a baby nor an adult. 

One time mom and I were speaking of my post-grad plans, and..

ME: Yeah, depending on where I continue school, I’m going to stay in LA or move back to SF I guess. Finally, I will get to live alone. 

MOM: What? 너가? 혼자산다고? No Jane~ 

ME: Um.. Why not? 

MOM: 너가 어떻게 혼자.. 

ME: I’ve lived alone in Berkeley, I’m living in an apartment right now.. What’s the difference? Eunice Unni lived alone from her 3rd year in college?

MOM: 아.. 그냥.. 너가.. 어린데.. 혼자 산대니까 이상해서

Sigh. 

As much as I want to be taken seriously as an adult like the rest of the family, I know deep inside, I’m not ready to let go of being the baby of the family. With being the maknae & baby of the family comes a lot benefits and honestly, blessings. I have room to make mistakes, many to seek advice from and depend on, and a lot of love and attention. 

It's paradoxical of me to desire to be treated like an adult but still be babied. But it seems like there are many opposing and paradoxical desires within me, within human beings in general. This is not the first time I've experienced this. As much as I wanted to fight for poverty and Gospel in Uganda, there was also a coinciding desire to go back to the worldly comforts and comfortable church/ministry routine. In Matthew 6:24, Jesus says one cannot serve two masters. Yet, we want to serve two or even more than two masters. Is it greed within us? Or is it what the society fostered?

In the end, I can’t ask my family to take me seriously as an independent adult but be so dependent. I’m experiencing a second phase of growing pains (this time not physical) to become a self-sufficient adult. It hurts. It's daunting. But it's exciting too. 

“At least you got your first W-2!”, said Eunice Unni. 

Yeah, I guess. 

It's already been 3 hours since I've been at this café yet I still have so much left to do.. 

Café Můj šálek kávy located in Praha 8

I brought The Fault In Our Stars ^__^

I like this place. 

I've finished my cup of espresso macchiato. 

I want to have some cake now. 

And eat it too.

;)

Photographed 05.09.14

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

is a film I have not watched.

It's actually quite irrelevant to what I am going to write about in my humble blog. The only relevance this film has to this post is that its Korean title is "프라하의 봄" (Prague's Spring).

’Tis April 10th of 2014, and it is still quite chilly here in Prague.

A week ago, Prague was in its 20's°C (high 60°F), and that Californian side of me jumped in joy--"It's finally spring time!" Then I left for Copenhagen, Denmark and had (what I thought would be) my last taste of winter. Here I am, back in Prague, and what is this madness.. It's raining. It's chilly. It's not spring T_T. 

1. In my beanie, heat-tech, sweater, jean jacket, and another coat on top

Oh and of course the essential Totoro-esque umbrella

2. My awesome Photoshop skillz. Please hire me! 

Oh Prague, make up your mind! Let's not go back and forth from 20°C to suddenly 10°C (high 60's to 45°F). But really, it is spring time here in Czech Republic. One thing I really miss about living in Korea, other than its delicious food, is its four seasons! My favorite season in Korea is spring time because my neighborhood just blooms with beautiful beautiful cherry blossoms and magnolia, and I haven't been able to appreciate that bloom of life in what-are-seasons-California. Though I haven't lived in all the places of the world, it's funny how you can recognize characteristics of your home(s) almost wherever you go. I've been experiencing that phenomenon here and there as I've been traveling..!

When I was taking a morning stroll in my neighborhood and came across this beautiful scenery
"Cherry Blossom Ending"- Busker Busker
^ A spring classic

Slapy, Czech Republic
A breathtaking view. For more photos, check out my alternative-Instagram-aka-Tumblr!

But I really like the rain hehe. It's nice to just be.. inside and by yourself. #introvert

Currently just sippin' a cup of hot chocolate at a café I discovered in the alley :-)

Fatigueness/sleepiness. Helplessness. Thoughts. And more thoughts. 

These are some (negative) things that are attached to.. me, I guess. 

#storyofmylife

With my morning class canceled, I had pretty much the whole day to rest up, but I found myself awake at 7 in the morning as always. I tossed and turned to fall back asleep but miserably failed to finally get out of bed around 10. It's been a slow day. I asked to leave my internship early to study for my last dreadful midterm tomorrow, but the truth is.. I just wanted to go back to my apartment, wrap myself in my blankets, and just lie in what I would call my little haven (aka bed). But I don't know how, knowing how little of self-will and discipline I have, but somehow convinced myself that I should just go to a café I've been meaning to check out to study for my midterm until my evening class at 8pm. Now, here I am at the café (which I love and should be coming back) drinking coffee (which I always politely refuse to drink), but lost in my messy messy thoughts. Oh Jane, Jane..

Currently at my-favorite-café-in-Prague-as-of-now, drinking coffee, and listening to good ol' Casker. 

As expected, I'm daydreaming of being somewhere else, doing something else. Listening to Casker makes me appreciate Korean-Indie scene much more, and now I wish I was somewhere in Hongdae listening to other artists live. Ah.. summer come faster.

Casker- Fish

"외로워 질 때 누군가 생각이 날 때 언제든 전화해줘요

이유도 없이 괜시리 눈물이 날 때 언제든 날 불러줘요"

Casker- Hidden Track (A Reply to "Fish")

"긴 시간 우리는 엇갈리기만 했었잖아요

어쩌면 그렇게 상처를 아물며 안될것 뻔히 알면서 사랑할 수 있나요"

I like the response song better than the actual song "Fish". Either way, both of these songs are so raw, so good. Ah.. I wish I can just spare into space forever.. but I must return to the real world. Goodbye.

Happy Midterms!

or finals for those at UCLA.

There's so much to do. I haven't taken over 3+ classes since high school, and somehow I feel like I'm in high school all over again with 6 classes, work, internship, etc. Ah.. high school was sweet, but when I think about how much I had to study and do, it makes me want to throw up.

Why is it that it's that much harder to focus when there is so much to do? I will never understand. There's this hilarious saying in Korea that "10분만 더 공부하면 마누라가 얼굴이 바뀐다" (If you study 10 minutes more, your wife's face will change for the better). If I studied harder, will my husband become taller.. darker.. and more handsome?! Just kidding.

Here's an appreciation (procrastination) post to God's beautiful creations..

My forever number one- Gong Yoo (공유)

"High Cut" always publishes such attractive pictures. 

My rising shtaar- Kim Young Kwang (김영광)

Thank you for existing, you beautiful people. 

When all things fall into place

Perfectly.

It's been a while since I've sat down at a desk to update my blog. The last time I posted a quality post, it was 3 weeks into my stay in Prague. Tomorrow marks my 7th week here in Europe. Ah.. It is truly incredible how fast time passed by. It makes me all the more anxious to realize that I have to eventually leave this place now I call home. I, therefore, should push myself to document as much as I can, because in the end pictures (and I guess blogposts) are all that are left..

However.. I do not regret just soaking in all the beauties and wonders of Europe the past weeks instead of constantly uploading pictures on Facebook/Instagram/Blogspot. But I also appreciate this time I now have to just sit down, look through the pictures I've taken, and perhaps share some reflections.

To be honest, I am here sitting at a desk because I really have no choice. I sprained my left ankle in London, and I stupidly ignored the pangs of pain throughout the trip to now just be.. sedentary.

Totoro: >__< 

(I'm suffocating from her ice-pack and heavy foot! Save me!!)

The weather in Prague has been too good to be true the last few days, but I woke up this morning as a bed-burrito to fight the chill. Yes, it rained! Ahaha.. at least it didn't snow.

Lastly, my one and only roommate Deborah is gone for the weekend to Krakow, Poland! Ahh so jealous and I miss her presence.. but it is also nice to just be home alone. I don't think I've been home alone here before.

Sprained foot + rain + alone time = Quality time with Him.

Some of my favorite things :)

Every time I drink tea (which is multiple times a day), 

I am reminded that I am His beloved as well as my dear sister Sally Shin's! 

I guess I can say all things fell into place.. perfectly.

What a fine Saturday morning/afternoon.

Photographed 03.15.14

March 9th, 2014

Before I binge blog, I just want to remember this moment.
For the first time in a while, I feel exhilarated about day to day life. 

:-)

Farmers' Market

Oh how I love thee.

Back in those Berkeley days, I remember there was farmers' market every Thursday. It was always so fun walking around, eating all the samples, smelling all those organic soap/candles, and such. I am aware that there's one in Westwood every week too.. but then was never able to afford the time to just go dilly dally there.

Life is definitely getting busier here in Prague with six classes, internship, volunteering, and such, but I'm glad I had the time to drop by farmers' market here, which is held in my neighborhood 3 times a week--Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday! :)

My first time at farmers' market here!

A cold day, but it was still pretty crowded

I actually don't eat cheese just for the sake of eating cheese, but my eating habits have been changing! 

The best wine I have ever tasted so far. Mmm. Oh, he smiled for me! ^__^

Photographed 02.05.14

When I went twice in one day! Haha

Yes, food adventure! Down.

Mmm organic jam. Heavenly. Bought Fig & Wine jam! 

It was Valentine's Day so I bought myself some macarons like a boss. Teehee

"Bow Wow (I'm judging you for buying yourself macarons)" he barks.
"I don't care" she says.

My fancy Valentine's Day lunch, tomato soup

with my adorable dates, Erin & Maital

I love farmers' market. I love bread. I don't love pink.

Photographed 02.14.14

One

Post 01.

Hello, Blogger. I never thought I would be writing here after all the years I spent on Tumblr. But here I am! For various reasons, some personal, some not, you janeskang.blogspot.com, is now my new little haven in this virtual world. 

Tomorrow marks my 21st day (3 weeks, already?!) since I moved to Prague, Czech Republic from Los Angeles, CA to call it my new home as well. I haven't taken pictures of the kitchen, but this is my new home!

Welcome to my humble abode!

Bedroom. Guess which side is mine! Left? Right?

Left it is.

My little haven in the actual world

It's unbelievable to realize that 3 weeks have passed. Even though it's only been three weeks, Prague has become my city and home that I cherish already. They say it's honeymoon stage for us study abroad students and that later on we will snap out of it. Well, I love it and I cannot wait to fall deeper in love with this place as I find out its quirks and charms. 

Photographed 02.09.14