So yesterday, while I was waiting for my bagel at Noah’s Bagel (oh you’ve been so faithful), I was just scrolling through my Instagram feed and saw the cat of my dreams. Yes, the cat of my dreams, not the man of my dreams (insert sad crying but laughing face emoji). And as always, I went a little crazy. I found out its breed, looked for litters in California and New York, called one of the litters, and asked whether a kitten was available to adopt. At this point, I had my bagel in my hand, munching on it with some dark dark coffee, satisfying both my deprived soul and stomach. I asked for a gray kitten and the lady on the phone kind of freaked out on me. She was like “actually it’s not gray. It’s cold blue.” And I was like “Oh I am sorry. I am not too familiar with cats in general.” And then she went on and on how Cold Blue is the official name of the color.. gray. I felt a little discouraged--yes I know I am a dog girl but like I am trying to find a realistic pet option to meet my needy and deprived self and now I just feel like a fool who is trying to get herself into something she should not get into which is partially, actually, very true but I just did not need the series of patronizing comments and whatnot. Anyways, I found out that the price I need to pay for the savior of my deprived self was $2000 something dollars and I called it quits. I mean, two.thousand.dollars.are.you.serious.
Ever since my best furry friend Mr. Wilson left the cozy apartment of Westwood, it’s been a little lonely. Life got busy with finishing up winter quarter, traveling to Portland, struggling with spring quarter, just getting ready to graduate, and whatnot.. But I think all those events in life could have been fuller if Mr. Wilson was around. Sigh.
Right now life has been, wake up, get breakfast at Starbucks via its app (btw so great and so efficient), work, go home, eat dinner, catch up on shows or move/throw out stuff here and there. It’s mundane but also full of events (idk how else to describe it), but I see myself missing a furry animal I can just love on and fall asleep next to when there are a million thoughts going through my head.
Mr. Wilson sleeping while I pull an all nighter
The twenties is definitely an unsettling one. I am 22 turning 23 in about 3 months, and it’s a relief that I am still in my early twenties but also daunting that I am nowhere near being in a stable place. I am a post-grad who is luckily at an internship which she loves but also needs to wrap things up within 3 weeks. I am an aspiring art director but there is no acceptance letter yet to the program. I have about all my projects completed except for one but I am an insecure and unnecessarily perfectionist-creative who can’t get herself to just start on that last project that’s stopping herself from applying. I am a friend of some, not too many, comfortable in her little bubble, and needs to accept that things are not going to be the same, for better or for worse, once she moves from this city of angels. Everything seems to be going in the right direction but at the same time everything seems to be going everywhere and I am just lost in this time of roaring twenties.
My sister once said that “I would not go back to twenties because when you are in your twenties, you are the most beautiful and attractive on the outside but you are the most insecure in the inside.”
My sister once said that “I would not go back to twenties because when you are in your twenties, you are the most beautiful and attractive on the outside but you are the most insecure in the inside.”
It’s true. There’s a war inside. I am constantly arguing with myself when it comes to desires, hopes, careers, relationships, etc. I am constantly discouraging myself but also encouraging myself. There is just a lot of opposite forces fighting each other.
And perhaps that is the reason why I am just craving this living being that can just love me blindly without seeing all the war going within me. Just to love me because I am.. home! Haha.
Believe it or not, despite my craze for a dog or a cat I guess, I’ve been really good about not freaking people out by running toward the pet and the owner and obsessing over the dog for like.. 10 minutes. Now even when I see beautiful dogs, I just appreciate them from afar and move on. It’s a real progress. I feel like I am growing up haha.
I guess for now, I just need to get my source of dog-therapy from obsessively liking photos on Instagram to occasionally petting dogs once in awhile. Also, Mr. Wilson is still around so I don’t think it’s right to get another friend. I think he will be jealous.
Anyhoo, I am driving up this weekend to see my sisters, Asher, and of course, Mr. Wilson, and I am really looking forward to it. A lot of time to think, maybe too much time which is kind of daunting, but also will be a solid alone/me-time. Last time I’ve done this drive, Mr. Wilson was with me though. Sigh. I miss him.
Last time Mr. Wilson and I drove up to SF together
