The Return of the Prodigal Son pt. ii

Part II: The Elder Son

5. The Elder Son Leaves

Standing with Clasped Hands

• ... but the one who stayed home also became a lost man. Exteriorly he did all the things a good son is supposed to do, but, interiorly, he wandered away from his father. He did his duty, worked hard every day, and fulfilled all his obligations but became increasingly unhappy and unfree. 

Lost in Resentment

• ... obedience and duty have become a burden, and service has become slavery. 
• The lostness of the elder son, however, is much harder to identify. After all, he did all the right things. He was obedient, dutiful, law-abiding, and hardworking. People respected him, admired him, praised him, and likely considered him a model son. Outwardly, the elder son was faultless ... Suddenly, there become glaringly visible a resentful, proud, unkind, selfish person

Without Joy

• Often I catch myself complaining about little rejections, little impoliteness, little negligences. Time and time again I discover within me that murmuring, whining, grumbling, lamenting, and griping that go on and on even against my will. 
• The tragedy is that, often, the complaint, once expressed, leads to that which is most feared: further rejection. 

An Open-ended Question

• Unlike a fairy tale, the parable provides no happy ending. 
• ... my resentments and complaints are mysteriously tied to such praiseworthy attitudes. This connection often makes me despair. At the very moment I want to speak or act out of my most generous self, I get caught in anger or resentment. And it seems that just as I want to be most selfless, I find myself obsessed about being loved. Just when I do my utmost accomplish a task well, I find myself questioning why others do not give themselves as I do. Just when I think I am capable of overcoming my temptations, I feel envy toward those who gave in to theirs. It seems that wherever my virtuous self is, there also is the resentful complainer. 
• ... my own true poverty. 

6. The Elder Son's Return

A Possible Conversion

• The Father's love does not force itself on the beloved. Although he wants to heal us of all our inner darkness, we are still free to make our own choice to stay in the darkness or to step into the light of God's love. God is there. God's light is there. God's forgiveness is there. God's boundless love is there. What is so clear is that God is always there, always ready to give and forgive, absolutely independent of our response. God's love does not depend on our repentance or our inner or outer changes.

Letting Go of Rivalry

• It often seems that the more I try to disentangle myself from the darkness, the darker it becomes ... But my true freedom I cannot fabricate for myself. That must be given to me. I am lost. I must be found and brought home by the shepherd who goes out to me.
• ... allows me to let my dad be no less than the good, loving, but limited human being he is, and to let my heavenly Father be the God whose unlimited, unconditional love melts away all resentments and anger and makes me free to love beyond the need to please or find approval. 

Through Trust Gratitude

• "God isn't really interested in me, he prefers the repentant sinner who comes home after his wild escapades. He doesn't pay attention to me who has never left the house. He takes me for granted. I am not his favorite son. I don't expect him to give me what I really want."
• It requires a real discipline to step over my chronic discipline and to think, speak, and act with the conviction that I am being sought and will be found. Without such discipline, I become prey to self-perpetuating hopelessness.
• I must totally disown my self-rejecting voice and claim the truth that God does indeed want to embrace me as much as he does my wayward brothers and sisters.
• Gratitude, however, goes beyond the "mine" and "thine" and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift ... The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.
• There is an Esotnian proverb that says: "Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." Acts of gratitude make one grateful because, step by step, they reveal that all is grace.
• At many points I have to make a leap of faith to let trust and gratitude have a chance: to write a gentle letter to someone who will not forgive me, make a call to someone who has rejected me, speak a word of healing to someone who cannot do the same.
• The leap of faith always means loving without expecting to be loved in return, giving without wanting to receive, inviting without hoping to be invited, holding without asking to be held. And every time I make a little leap, I catch a glimpse of the One who runs out to me and invites me into his joy, the joy in which I can find not only myself, but also my brothers and sisters. Thus the disciplines of trust and gratitude reveal the God who searches for me, burning with desire to take away all my resentments and complaints and to let me sit at his side at the heavenly banquet. 

I am not going to lie, I low-key regretted a little for highlighting too much while typing this out. But oh well, I want to share!! Pt. iii coming up soon!!