The Return of the Prodigal Son

In the previous post, I said I would post about how life has been, or I guess in this case, how life had been, with my dog, Mr. Wilson, but I found myself wanting to share what I have been learning and contemplating on the last few weeks or even months. 

Currently, I am reading a book called The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen with my small group at church. The author expands on the very well known parable, the Prodigal Son, reflecting on not only the younger, the prodigal son, but also the elder son, and at last, the father. It was through this book that I realized it's even possible to relate myself to a character other than the prodigal son. There are other epiphanies, realizations, and confirmations that I would like to share, but I will save them for later when I actually finish reading/discussing the book. 

BUT I did want to share some quotes I highlighted throughout my read. I highlight a lot--I carry over 10 highlighters with me in my backpack haha--so you might be a little overwhelmed, but no harm in sharing, right? 

Prologue: Encountering with a Painting 

The Event

• I knew even less about announcing the Gospel of Jesus to people who listened more with their hearts than with their minds and who were far more sensitive to what I lived than to what I said.
• But had I, myself, really ever dared to step into the center, kneel down , and let myself be held by a forgiving God?
• ... but I had never fully given up the role of bystander ... taking the position of one of the four figures surrounding the divine embrace ... they all represent different ways of not getting involved ... but all of them are ways of not getting directly involved. 
• It is the place of light, the place of truth, the place of love. It is the place where I so much want to be, but am so fearful of being. It is the place where I will receive all I desire, all that I ever hoped for, all that I will ever need, but it is also the place where I have to let go of all I most want to hold on to. It is the place that confronts me with the fact that truly accepting love, forgiveness, and healing is often much harder than giving it. It is the place beyond earning, deserving, and rewarding. It is the place of surrender and complete trust. 
• And still, I knew that I would never be able to live the great commandment to love without allowing myself to be loved without conditions or prerequisites. 

The Vision

• ... the journey I most feared because I knew that God was a jealous lover who wanted every part of me all the time. When would I be ready to accept that kind of love?

Part I: The Younger Son

1. Rembrandt and the Younger Son

• ... painful realization that all the glory he (Rembrandt) had gathered for himself proved to be vain glory.

2. The Younger Son Leaves

A Radical Rejection

• ... our brokenness may appear beautiful, but our brokenness has no other beauty but the beauty that comes from the compassion that surrounds it.
• The father's touching the so is an everlasting blessing; the son resting against his father's breast is an eternal peace.

Deaf to the Voice of Love

• Having "received without charge," I can "give without charge."
• As the Beloved, I am free to live and give life, free also to die while giving life.
• Faith is the radical trust that home has always been here and always will be there.
• Yet over and over again I left home ... This is the great tragedy of my life ... Somehow I have become deaf to the voice that calls me the Beloved, have left the only place where I can hear the voice, and have gone off desperately hoping that I would find somewhere else what I could no longer find at home.
• They (other voices) suggest that I am not going to be loved without my having earned it through determined efforts and hard work ... They deny loudly that love is a totally free gift. 
• Parents, friends, and teachers, even those who speak to me through the media, are mostly very sincere in their concerns. Their warnings and advice are well intended. In fact, they can be limited human expressions of an unlimited divine love. 
• ... I come to the disconcerting discovery that there are very few moments during my day when I am really free from these dark emotions, passions, and feelings. 
• All of these mental games reveal to me the fragility of my faith that I am the Beloved One on whom God's favor rests.

Searching Where It Cannot Be Found

• At issue here is the question: "To whom do I belong? To God or the world?" Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me. It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down. Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves. All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for the survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me. 
• As long as I keep running about asking: "Do you love me? Do you really love me?" I give all power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with "ifs" ... There are endless "ifs" hidden in the world's love. These "ifs" enslave me, since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them. The world's love is and always will be conditional.
• I am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found. 
• I am constantly surprised at how I keep taking the gifts God has given me--my health, my intellectual and emotional gifts--and keep  using them to impress people, receive affirmation and praise, and compete for my rewards, instead of developing them for the glory of God.  

3. The Younger Son's Return

Being Lost

• He has become like a slave.
• The farther I run away from the place where God dwells, the less I am able to hear the voice that calls me the Beloved, and the less I hear that voice, the more entangled I become in the manipulations and power games of the world.
• When I succeed, I worry that others will be jealous or resentful of me.
• And then I wonder whether anyone ever really loved me.
• My life loses meaning. I have become a lost soul.

Claiming Childhood

• ... it was the loss of everything that brought him to the bottom line of his identity. 
• ... no human being would ever be able to give the love I craved, that no friendship, no intimate relationship, no community would ever be able to satisfy the deepest needs of my wayward heart. 
• Indeed, it is a question of life or death. Do we accept the rejection of the world that imprisons us, or do we claim the freedom of the children of God? We must choose.
• Peter, in the midst of his despair, claimed it and returned with many tears. Judas chose death. Peter chose life.
• There are always countless events and situations that I can single out to convince myself and others that my life is just not worth living, that I am only a burden, a problem, a source of conflict, or an exploiter of other people's time and energy. Many people live with this dark, inner sense of themselves ... They have given up faith in their original goodness and, thus, also in their father who has given them their humanity. 
• But when God created man and woman in his own image, he saw that "it was very good," and, despite the dark voices, no man or woman can ever change that. 
• ... that where my failings are great, "grace is always greater."
• Belief in total, absolute forgiveness does not come readily.

The Long Way Home

• One of the greatest challenges of the spiritual life is to receive God's forgiveness ... Sometimes it even seems as though I want to prove to God that my darkness is too great to overcome ... Receiving forgiveness requires a total willingness to let God be God and do all the healing, restoring, and renewing.  
• As a hired servant, I can still keep my distance, still revolt, reject, strike, run away, or complain about my pay. As the beloved son, I have to claim full dignity and begin preparing myself to become the father. 
• Being a child is living toward a second innocence: ... but the innocence that is reached through conscious choices.
• These words (Beatitudes) present a portrait of the child of God. It is a self-portrait of Jesus, the Beloved Son. 

The True Prodigal

• I am touching here the mystery that Jesus himself became the prodigal son for our sake. He left the house of his heavenly Father, came to a foreign country, gave away all that he had, and returned through his cross to his Father's home. All of this he did, not as a rebellious son, but as the obedient son, sent out to bring home all the lost children of God. 
• The young man being embraced by the Father is no longer just one repentant sinner, but the whole of humanity returning to God ... It becomes the summary of the history of our salvation. 

I have yet to read Part II: The Elder Son and Part III: The Father, but I will update as soon as I do! Also, on the note of parenting and the parable of The Prodigal Son, I would recommend this sermon (click "sermon"). I watched/listened to it more than 3 times already, but it's really insightful, sobering, encouraging, and all that good stuff.